


A Better Tomorrow (Is Just out of Reach)

by poetsandzombies



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 18:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1697405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetsandzombies/pseuds/poetsandzombies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>post TWS. Bucky's staying with Steve, still recovering from his brainwashing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Better Tomorrow (Is Just out of Reach)

He knows what Bucky's doing in there. He can hear it in the soft, contemplative silence that drones on as he leans against the door to the bathroom, knuckles hovering over the wood, wanting to knock.

"Bucky?" He finally gives in. There's a pause.

"What?"

"Bucky."

" _What_?" It's exasperated. Steve sighs.

"Can I come in?"  There's no answer, but Steve opens the door anyway, knowing Bucky would have objected if he minded. 

He's just how Steve imagined he'd be. Sitting in the tub of shallow water, knees pulled into his chest, chin resting on top, hugging himself close. His eyes follow Steve as he makes his way into the room and pulls up a stool to sit on, making himself level with his friend.

"Bucky-"

"Stop calling me that."

Steve stops short, voice suddenly strangled at Bucky's words. 

It's only been a week since Bucky showed up on his doorstep, nothing more than a broken man, soaked and filled to the brim in questions. Questions Steve would have happily answered, if Bucky had asked them. One week. Steve knows he shouldn't expect any more than this. But it's frustrating, nonetheless, to have someone he loves and thought he'd lost, sitting right in front of him, and yet... hardly remember who he is. 

His chest tightens as he looks at Bucky, who refuses to meets Steve's eyes stubbornly, almost like a child. Though Steve can still see from this angle just how lost the man is. It's nothing like the way Steve had woken up in a new world after 70 years. At least he had known who he was then. At least he could wake up every morning confident of his own name and his own past.

But Bucky... god, Bucky had been put to sleep from the inside, had his brain rewired wiped clean  _countless_  times, reduced to nothing but a weapon, the trigger of a gun. He stares in the mirror now for hours and can't even recognize himself. The look of absolute confusion on his face when he's called Bucky has had Steve in tears these past few days. He just isn't sure how to _handle_  it. How does he handle only being able to guess the horrid things his best friend had to go through? How does  _Bucky_...

Oh god. He resists the urge to reach out, to hold him as if touching would make the gap, the unfamiliarity, the distance between them go away.

"Can I ask you something?" Bucky's voice is low, quiet. 

"Anything." Steve breathes, too fast. Bucky doesn't respond for a while. He takes a few deep breaths, closes his eyes. Steve waits patiently. 

"Are we in love?" 

"What?" Steve manages to choke out. It's the best he can do not to clench up for freak out. Bucky's looking at him now with such sincerity, honest curiosity, that Steve isn't sure what to think.

"Me and you. Are we-were we in love?" 

Steve looks down in his lap, rubs the back of his neck as he tries to process this. 

"Ah, well..." But he isn't sure how to answer honestly. Because one of them had been- _is_  in love. But if they, as in both Steve  _and_  Bucky, had been in love? He never knew about it. "We certainly love each other, Buck. If that's what you mean." He tilts his head, frowning at Bucky. But Bucky's not looking at him anymore. He's staring off into space, as if remembering something.

"I had this dream last night..Think it was a memory. It was hazy, unimportant, but I.. I  _felt_ something." Bucky's brows are furrowed as if he's trying to figure out what it means himself. He turns to Steve suddenly. "It was for you. God," he laughs humorlessly, "I'd give anything to feel it again."

Steve feels his heart hammering in his chest and risks resting a hand over Bucky's on the tub railing. surprisingly, he lets him, spreads his fingers and lets them tangle between Steve's. 

"We'll get there." Steve promises. Bucky tilts his head back and groans, scrubbing his free hand over his face.

"I'm fucking losing it, Steve." He admits, and Steve shudders.  _You've already lost it_ , he thinks.  _Now you're just gaining it back_. 

"I'm here." He croaks.

"I'm falling apart..." Bucky's voice cracks, and Steve's grip on his hand tightens.

"Maybe that's what has to happen before we get you back." 

Bucky looks pained, but he doesn't argue. He pulls their intertwined hands up to his chest, holding Steve's hand in both of his own now.

 

They sit like that in silence for an hour, and Steve lets him. Anything to ease the pain his eyes.

 

Anything for Bucky. 


End file.
